Urbzen

Recently, a colleague stopped following me on Twitter because, he says, keeping up with my feed is “emotionally exhausting.” Others have panned the practice as banal, self-indulgent, time-consuming or narcissistic. And then there’s this video, which successfully, and hilariously, paints Twitter as absurd in the extreme:

All of these folks make good points. And, as most who know me are aware, I am nothing if not banal, self-indulgent, time-consuming, narcissistic and otherwise emotionally exhausting—but that’s me, not Twitter. Twitter itself is nothing more than a medium I use to disseminate my narcissism, banality, etc., and like all other media, it can be used well or it can be used poorly.

When used poorly, you get the Twitter described above. But when you use it well, Twitter becomes something more than yet another social networking site; namely, a real-time, collaborative mental sketch pad that allows the user to take an idea, throw it in the hopper, and see what comes back. At it’s best, Twitter isn’t about getting to know each other so much as it is about sharing ideas, shaping a larger dialogue and watching the cultural zeitgeist develop in real time.

The beauty of Twitter, and what separates it from the navel-gazing echo chamber of social networking, is that Twitter relationships aren’t necessarily reciprocal. I follow plenty of people, from the actually famous (@clairecmc, @the_real_shaq) to the microfamous (@JessicaValenti, @AriMelber) to the not at all famous (@provenself, @WeeLaura), who don’t follow me back. That the relationship is one-sided isn’t any skin off my nose—I certainly don’t expect that every blogger I read logs on Urbzen.com. I follow them because I’m interested in what they have to say, not because I think we’re somehow going to become internet BFFs. Good content is good content, regardless of the medium.

Similarly, I don’t automatically follow everyone who follows me. I feel very fortunate that a relatively large number of people are interested enough in what I have to say to make it a part of their Twitter stream. But their decision to read my tweets doesn’t make me any more or less likely to want to read theirs.

The Current video makes a good point that Twitter opens the door for a lot of banality. “I just put my socks on.” “It’s raining.” “Ice cream is delicious.” and that’s where the nonreciprocal nature of Twitter shines—It’s an intellectual meritocracy. Good content is rewarded, while bad content is ignored. And everybody gets to define what good and bad means to them. It’s like a personalized RSS feed of other people’s brains.

Another advantage of the not-necessarily-reciprocal nature of Twitter is that it’s allowed me to build a much more interesting and diverse community than I have on, say, Facebook. The fact is that most of my friends—on Facebook and in “real life”—are a lot like me: youngish, professional, liberal, childless—which creates a sort of social echo chamber. On Twitter, by contrast, I can and do choose to follow and engage with people who have vastly different experiences and ideas than I do, which creates a much more invigorating conversation. I’m certainly not “friends” with a lot of these folks—many of them would probably like to throttle me, honestly—but the debate is interesting, and we keep each other sharp.

Maybe Twitter is a fad. Maybe it’s not. Either way, don’t use it and you’re missing out on one hell of a conversation.

Breakups have never been simple affairs. No matter how quickly we try to tear off the Band-Aid, there’s the inevitable period of disentanglement between the initial conversation (“We have to talk…”) and the final separation (“Kthxbye”). And generally, the longer the relationship was, the longer this period lasts. We return each other’s things*; maybe bid farewell to each other’s families; and if you happen to have been living together, well, that’s a whole other fistful of horrible.

But now there’s a new step. In addition to the tears, the drama, the fights over furniture and real estate, there’s the Social Media Separation. It’s hard to end a relationship quietly or privately when the entire saga is played out in news feed updates and little broken-heart icons on Facebook. It’s the electronic equivalent of standing up in front of everyone you know and shouting, “Hi. My relationship failed. Just thought you should know.” And then taking questions.

Of course, there’s often something to be said for public humiliation. Particularly for those tender souls who feel things like “shame” or “remorse,” a good calling-out can be a good way to administer punishment, modify behavior, or just stir up some resentment, if that’s what you’re after. But breakups are hard enough without the digital self-flagellation inherent in social networks.

Really, there is no moving on in the world of social media, or if there is, it isn’t easy. Are you supposed to un-friend your ex? If so, who goes first, the dump-er or the dump-ee? What about friends of theirs who you’ve friended? Do you give them the boot too? Awkward.

How about Twitter? Even if you stop following your ex, you’re still able to see his Twitter feed, and you know that in a moment of weakness, you will go there. Do you really want to see him flirting with other users? Do you want him to see you?

I’m not suggesting that anyone sit digital Shiva for weeks after a relationship ends; We’ve all got lives to live, jobs to do, beers to drink, bad decisions to make, over and over and over again. It’s just that for all the advantages of living in a hyperconnected world, it’s also hard, when all you want to do is disconnect.

*Unless you break up with me via text message. Then I’m giving your shit to the homeless. You know who you are.

December 25 feels like it’s eons away, but stop for a second and you can practically feel Santa breathing down your neck. (No, not in that way. What’s the matter with you? Perv.) Anyhow, between shopping and decorating and the many tribulations of holiday travel, it’s easy to put off one of the most important things you’ll do this holiday season: Christmas cards.

Christmas cards (or holiday cards, whatever, I’m not Bill O’Reilly) have evolved considerably from the annual family bulletin your parents probably still send on festive red paper.  For today’s young professional the holiday season represents a unique opportunity to reconnect with friends and former classmates scattered around the world and to solidify and expand your professional network.

Yes, writing and mailing cards to scores of college buddies, former co-workers, second cousins and childhood friends is both time consuming and labor intensive, but it’s worth it. Any other month of the year, an unsolicited handwritten note would come off as slightly creepy or reek of ulterior motives, but in December we all get a free pass. And no, ecards don’t count.

Fortunately, several sites offer handy online apps that streamline the process by  putting all of the network-building you’ve been doing all year to work. LinkedIn offers its own contacts export that packages first and last names and email addresses into a handy Excel spreadsheet, and BigSight.org has a Facebook app that pulls together your friend list alongside other criteria of your choice, including hometown, education, work, and affiliations.

You’re still going to have to write the cards yourself (that’s kind of the point), but this tools will get you off to a good start, and you’ll be reaping the rewards of rekindled relationships all year.

Happy writing, and a merry Christmas2.0 to everyone.

Hi. This is awkward.  Well, awkward for you anyhow. You might have noticed that I recently terminated our friendship on Facebook. Please try not to be too upset. This decision is by no means a reflection on you or on the validity of your thoughts, feelings, and posted items. I’m just really, really tired of hearing about them. The reasons for your termination include the following:

• Status updates that could apply to every single person on Facebook. Really, you hate Monday? You’re glad it’s Friday? You’re looking forward to the long weekend? Well somebody alert the goddam media.
• Using your status updates solely as a vehicle to promote your website, consulting company or crocheted cat sweater store on Etsy. Violation will be considered particularly flagrant if accompanied by a sleazy headshot and words like “Deals” or “Opportunity.”
• Gratuitous banality.
• Overuse of exclamation points and/or emoticons. If you need them to tell me how! happy! you are!!!!!! you should probably just work on becoming a more effective writer !!!
• Missing the irony
• The sincere belief that song lyrics express your unique emotions
• Repeatedly harassing me about your lil green patch. I do not want to know about the size and/or color of your patch. 
•  Posting things everyone has already seen, fifteen times, more than a week after we saw it. What? Sarah Palin made an ass of herself with Katie Couric? Well let me get right on THAT.
• I never actually liked you anyway.

Please note that the above list of Facebook Friend Violations (FFV) is not intended to be exhaustive and that we reserve the right to terminate friendships for any reason and without prior notice. Kthx.