Urbzen

In the spirit of a holiday founded on a band of fundamentalist Christians offering temporary clemency to a well-intentioned, poorly armed native population by sharing in a meal of poultry and squash, Urbzen would like to offer this festive cranberry martini recipe. Because if there’s one thing we’re thankful for, it’s booze.

ingredients:
• 3 oz. cranberry/raspberry cocktail
• 1/2 oz. crème de cassis
• 1 oz. vodka

Mixing instructions:
Place all ingredients in a shaker with ice. Shake and strain into a chilled martini glass.
Option: Garnish with a candy cane or cranberries.

You can make a pitcher of this recipe beforehand and chill in the fridge.

For some, like Santa and Bill O’Reilly, the spirit of Christmas comes naturally, but the rest of us need a little help getting in the holiday spirit. For this purpose, we bring you the Kamakaze Christmastini: Part sweet, part sour, and all the courage you’ll need to face another holiday get together with the three-ring circus that is your family.

Here’s what you’ll need:

• Martini glasses, chilled
• Grenadine
• Pre-mixed Kamakaze shots, like DeKuyper Burst
• Red or green decorative sugar
• Marischino cherries (optional)

Pour a small amount of the sugar into a shallow dish. Dampen the rim of the martini glass and dip into the sugar, then fill 2/3 full with Kamakaze mix. SLOWLY pour about half an ounce of grenadine into the glass, so that it does not mix with the Kamakaze and sits in the bottom of the glass. Garnish with a cherry and serve!

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(without actually having to do very much work)

Crunch time: One week until election night, and once again, the only people who have invited you to a watch party are your parents, your office social committee, and creepy Phil whose ‘06 party included you, a foreign exchange student named Klaus and a bunch of his World of Warcraft friends.

What’s a gal to do?

Easy. You’re going to throw your own party. It’s going to be easy, chic, and for those who lay off the sangria, unforgettable.

Here’s what you need:

• Some fruit (apples, oranges, lots of limes), sliced
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 bottle of light rum, like Bacardi Silver
• 1 bottle dry red wine (cheap is fine, I get mine at Big Lots)
• 1 cup orange juice
• 1 12 oz can club soda
• 1 2L bottle of Coke
• a handful of fresh mint (a large bunch in the produce section at the grocery store is about $2)
• a handful of fresh basil (same deal)
• a couple roma tomatoes
• 3-4 frozen cheese pizzas

Find two glass pitchers (you can find great ones at thrift stores for under $10). In the first, combine fruit (save a couple of limes), half the sugar, 1/3 of the rum, all of the wine, and the OJ. Voila, sangria. In the second, combine half the remaining limes, remaining sugar, 1/3 of the rum, half of club soda, and a fistful or two of mint (smush it around a little to release the flavor). Voila, mojitos. Use the Coke, remaining rum and remaining limes to make Cuba Libres, because you are an elitist who hates America.

While you’re still sober enough to wield a knife, slice the roma tomatoes into thin wedges, arrange on the pizzas and bake according to package directions. When they’re done cooking, toss some chopped basil on top and serve.

Now, put on your favorite cable news channel (bonus points if you can play multiple stations on multiple teevees), pour yourself a tall glass of whatever, and enjoy the first election in a long while that doesn’t end with a six-day hangover, an $800 therapy bill and four more years of international shame.