We’ll kick things off with 15-year old douchebucket McKay Hatch, who is apparently trying to eliminate any chance he may have of ever getting to third base by founding the ‘No-Cussing Club’ two years ago at his Pasadena middle school and has now managed to convince local legislators to proclaim this week ‘No Cussing Week’ for all of Los Angeles County. Captain Awesome here is the author of â€The No Cussing Club: How I Fought Peer Pressure and How You Can Too,” and says that naughty words “just make me feel really offended and stuff. It just doesn’t make me feel good.” Well, um, fuck that.

And lest we forget that dolls can make us feel almost as sad as dirty words do, let’s honor West Virginia Delegate Jeff Eldridge, who has introduced legislation to ban the sale of Barbie dolls in the state.  Eldridge says the dolls influence girls to place too much importance on physical beauty, a notion clearly supported by all of the smoking hot women coming out of West Virginia these days. He also expresses concern for girls’ healthy development, and no doubt the Barbie ban will do more for their well-being than, say, addressing deficiencies in health care, fair pay or domestic violence prevention that led the National Women’s Law Center to give West Virginia a resounding F on its most recent Women’s Health Report Card.

Finally, we have Andy Rooney. What can you say about Andy Rooney except that the poor old man has gone completely ’round the bend and needs to be put out to pasture, or sent to the the big tee vee network in the sky? On Sunday, Rooney tackled the pressing and divisive issue of how months are spelled: 

And this? This is just wrong: