Urbzen

>

Last week, I noted some of the unsettling racial/sexual overtones of the new Axe Dark Temptation campaign. But it’s not surprising I don’t like the ad; I’m nowhere near Axe’s 18-24 year old male target demographic.

Which is what makes CP+B’s recent Volkswagen “Routan Boom” campaign so bizarre. As an educated, solidly middle-class, 26-year-old female who would like to have children in the not terribly distant future and who is, as a matter of fact, actually in the market for a new car, I’m sitting square in the middle of VW’s ideal consumer real estate.

And yet the ads, which should be tailored to appeal to me, instead achieve the unfortunate trifecta of offending, confusing, and utterly creeping me out.

The 30-second spot “Meet Christine” opens with spokesgal Brooke Shields sounding the alarm about a growing “epidemic”:

“There’s an epidemic sweeping our nation. Women everywhere are having babies just to get the new Volkswagen Routan. Take this couple. Christine here is so seduced by German engineering, she’s having a baby just to get it.”

 

Probably the weirdest note these faux-public service spots, presumably aimed at the educated young women who make up a full 61 percent of the minivan-buying market, hit is the mocking tone they apply to one of the most monumental decisions in a woman’s (or man’s) life: When, or if, she wants to become a parent.

As traditional gender roles begin to thaw, more and more women are agonizing over the choices that come with potential motherhood—Can I keep my career and have a baby? What am I going to do about child care? Can my spouse or I afford to stay home? What if I’m still single, but my biological clock is ticking?

The Routan spots minimize these life-altering moments with a gusto not seen since Coors’ ’07 spot “Pregnancy,” in which the woman’s positive pregnancy test is equated with the changing color of the temperature indicator on the man’s beer.

Interestingly, as I was transcribing the line from the “Christine” spot above, I typed “Couples everywhere are having babies…” before listening again and realizing that it’s not couples, but women. That’s another unsettling aspect: Even though all of the women in the ads are coupled up (Dan Quayle would be proud), it’s always the woman who has initiated the pregnancy, apparently covertly, painting the men as dupes and the women as manipulators.

Also bizarre is the choice of Shields as the face of the “Routan Boom” campaign. In recent years she has spoken publicly about her struggle first with infertility, and then with post-partum depression. Now here she is making a joke about women who approach having babies with the same gravity as changing their hair. What?

Sales figures for the Routan aren’t yet available, but it will be interesting to see if they hit their mark. In portraying women as wonton, overgrown children impulsively having babies to get a new toy, the campaign dismisses the legitimate and pressing concerns of exactly the consumers it’s trying to reach. They’re not just doing a disservice to women, they’re doing a disservice to themselves.

click to see image full size

It’s hard to feel the weight of history while it’s actually happening.  From Gettysburg to Selma to the World Trade Center, we need a little bit of distance before we can really appreciate the impact of the days that leave their mark on the way we’ll live our lives going forward.

Go out and vote today. If you don’t, you will always regret that you weren’t a part of this.

Ingredients:

• 1 oz  bourbon
• 1 tablespoon mild honey
• 2 teaspoons fresh lemon juice
• 1/4 cup boiling-hot water

Preparation:

Put bourbon, honey, and lemon juice in a 6-ounce mug. Top off with hot water and stir until honey is dissolved. Sip slowly while ruminating on the luxuriousness of Chuck Todd’s goatee.

Here at Urbzen, we don’t believe in drinking games because we don’t need anyone to tell us to finish our drinks, thankyouverymuch.  Instead, we’re playing Election Night Bingo, in honor of the geriatric Floridians who will likely decide the presidential race, once again. 

How to play: Print out and distribute the cards. You’ll probably want to give more than one to each player since the large number of variables makes the odds of a bingo pretty small. As your TV network of choice calls states (pres) or races (senate, gov), mark of the corresponding square on your card(s). 

Right click and select “Save As” if you don’t want to navigate away from this window.

Election Bingo cars 1-20 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 21-40 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 41-60 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 61-80 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 81-100 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 101-120 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 121-140 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 141-160 (pdf)

Election Bingo cards 161-180 (pdf)

Cards print four per page; Each PDF is five pages.

What’s better than Friday? Friday with puppies, obv.

Because the only thing better than Friday is Friday+puppies, here is a photo of Westie, kibble conniseur, gentleman of leisure and notorious underpants thief Mr. Henry.

You can send Henry email at urbzen — at — inbox.com, which I will read to him before bedtime, or visit his dogster page here.

According to the package, the Eating Right (a private label brand distributed by Safeway Inc.) Chicken Enchilada is a “Corn tortilla stuffed with chicken tenders, onions and green chilies, with Mexican Style rice and sprinkled with cheese.”

Price: $2 with Vons card

Nutritional info: 6g total fat; 2.5 g sat fat; 300 calories; 550mg sodium; 16g protien

Pros: Surprisingly large enchilada, good green chili sauce, filling, high in protien

Cons: No beans to go with the rice, high in sodium, large number of mystery ingredients

Overall: I enjoyed this enchilada. At just 300 calories, it’s not going to suffice as a full meal for most, but the 16g of protein make it reasonably filling, and at $2, the price is definitely right. I also appreciated that the heating instructions didn’t attempt to perpetuate the fantasy that I was going to stop cooking halfway through to gently stir each part of the meal, separately.

Score: Four sporks out of five

>

(without actually having to do very much work)

Crunch time: One week until election night, and once again, the only people who have invited you to a watch party are your parents, your office social committee, and creepy Phil whose ‘06 party included you, a foreign exchange student named Klaus and a bunch of his World of Warcraft friends.

What’s a gal to do?

Easy. You’re going to throw your own party. It’s going to be easy, chic, and for those who lay off the sangria, unforgettable.

Here’s what you need:

• Some fruit (apples, oranges, lots of limes), sliced
• 1 cup white sugar
• 1 bottle of light rum, like Bacardi Silver
• 1 bottle dry red wine (cheap is fine, I get mine at Big Lots)
• 1 cup orange juice
• 1 12 oz can club soda
• 1 2L bottle of Coke
• a handful of fresh mint (a large bunch in the produce section at the grocery store is about $2)
• a handful of fresh basil (same deal)
• a couple roma tomatoes
• 3-4 frozen cheese pizzas

Find two glass pitchers (you can find great ones at thrift stores for under $10). In the first, combine fruit (save a couple of limes), half the sugar, 1/3 of the rum, all of the wine, and the OJ. Voila, sangria. In the second, combine half the remaining limes, remaining sugar, 1/3 of the rum, half of club soda, and a fistful or two of mint (smush it around a little to release the flavor). Voila, mojitos. Use the Coke, remaining rum and remaining limes to make Cuba Libres, because you are an elitist who hates America.

While you’re still sober enough to wield a knife, slice the roma tomatoes into thin wedges, arrange on the pizzas and bake according to package directions. When they’re done cooking, toss some chopped basil on top and serve.

Now, put on your favorite cable news channel (bonus points if you can play multiple stations on multiple teevees), pour yourself a tall glass of whatever, and enjoy the first election in a long while that doesn’t end with a six-day hangover, an $800 therapy bill and four more years of international shame.

WASHINGTON–Secret Service officials announced today that for security reasons, Sen. Barack Obama will make all public appearances enclosed in a giant bulletproof hamster ball for the duration of the 2008 presidential campaign.

Speaking on the condition of anonymity, sources close to the Illinois senator confirm tonight that, following a foiled assasination plot, Obama has agreed to be outfitted with a 7′-diameter transparent sphere constructed from the material used by the Vatican to create the Popemobile.

Campaign officials confirm that they are also outfitting Vice Presidential nominee Sen. Joe Biden with a sphere, which will be entirely soundproof.