Hi. This is awkward. Well, awkward for you anyhow. You might have noticed that I recently terminated our friendship on Facebook. Please try not to be too upset. This decision is by no means a reflection on you or on the validity of your thoughts, feelings, and posted items. Iâ€™m just really, really tired of hearing about them. The reasons for your termination include the following:
- Status updates that could apply to every single person on Facebook. Really, you hate Monday? Youâ€™re glad itâ€™s Friday? Youâ€™re looking forward to the long weekend? Well somebody alert the goddam media.
- Using your status updates solely as a vehicle to promote your website, consulting company or crocheted cat sweater store on Etsy. Violation will be considered particularly flagrant if accompanied by a sleazy headshot and words like â€œDealsâ€ or â€œOpportunity.â€
- Gratuitous banality.
- Overuse of exclamation points and/or emoticons. If you need them to tell me how! happy! you are!!!!!! you should probably just work on becoming a more effective writer !!!
- Missing the irony
- The sincere belief that song lyrics express your unique emotions
- Repeatedly harassing me about your lil green patch. I do not want to know about the size and/or color of your patch.
- Posting things everyone has already seen, fifteen times, more than a week after we saw it. What? Sarah Palin made an ass of herself with Katie Couric? Well let me get right on THAT.
- I never actually liked you anyway.
Please note that the above list of Facebook Friend Violations (FFV) is not intended to be exhaustive and that we reserve the right to terminate friendships for any reason and without prior notice. Kthx.